Limits.

I've always had a Type A personality.

This may come as a surprise to anyone who's lived with me because I'm very messy. I wouldn't call myself a slob, but I'm pretty dang close. For some reason, organization always takes a back to seat to whatever I'm doing.

But yes, I'm an overachiever. I am performance-orientated. I like list making and subsequently checking things off lists. I'm prone to anxiety, and I'm very self-critical. I find myself focusing a lot of self-management and wanting to portray a certain image of myself to friends, peers, professors, employers, even strangers (ridiculous I know!). I'm a people pleaser.

Thankfully, God in His grace has been working a lot on me and my performance related struggles. Yes, I still struggle, but I guess as Tim McGraw would say, "I'm better than I used to be."

So yesterday, I'm sitting in church and the pastor starts a sermon titled "Lessons in Limitations." I internally roll my eyes because I can't do an actual eye roll. For some reason, I really like to be beat up and convicted in church. I like sermons about sin, idolatry and the deep heart issues that no one likes to talk about. God-given limits seemed kind of boring in comparison, but I got out my sermon journal and prepared to take notes as I always do. Little did I know this sermon was going to hit me hard.

Fast forward two and a half hours. My friend and I are hungry after church so we decide to go to Pink's Hot Dogs, a local hot spot and hot dog stand to get some after church grub. We've been waiting outside in this hot 90 degree weather for at least 30 minutes to order. The wait has actually been enjoyable. We've been chatting and catching up and trying to decide what the heck we want to order. There's all types of dogs like a Lord of the Rings hot dog which comes as I'm sure you can guess with onion rings on top. There's hot dogs with nacho cheese, sauerkraut,  bacon, jalapenos, you name it. This place is a glutton's paradise.

We're almost to the front of the line where you place your order. All of a sudden I feel like I'm going to pass out. I feel short of breath and dizzy and I need to sit down. I have to sit down! I let my friend know I feel horrible and somehow manage to collapse into a seat in the shade of the restaurant that has just opened up. I'm wearing a dress, but I feel so weak that I forget about being a lady and slouch in the chair trying to cool down and compose myself. I need water. I need food. The half of a blueberry muffin that I ate on the way to church was too long ago. My friend tells me the free water has just been refilled and I manage to stumble over to the jug and fill up a paper cup for myself. I fall back into my chair knowing people are watching me. Yep, I'm a hot mess, but I don't care. I take deep breaths. Sip my water and pray that I'll feel better soon. Sooner than later. Give me strength, Lord. Give me strength, I pray.

I wish I could say this is the first time I felt dehydrated/faint/weak as a result of lacking food and water and standing up for a long period of time, but this is probably the fourth time this has happened in four months. I go about my life thinking I'm a limitless superwoman, but I'm not. I'm limited. Very limited. I need food and water and sleep. I can't go, go, go all the time. I have to stop and rest and take care of myself. This is what the sermon was all about.

He's God. I'm not.
I am limited. He's not.

There's is only so much my body can do before I get to end of myself. There's only 24 hours in a day! So there's only so much I can do. I can't do everything and be everything to everyone as I often want to be. I need to trust that God will take care of the people I love when I can't. After all, He is the King of the Universe and He created them!

Another realization was that I perform to gain the approval or commendation of others. But why? As I learned years ago, from the amazing Bob Fuhs when I went on my missions trip in Ocean City, New Jersey, I am AAA (triple A) sealed! I have God's acceptance, approval and affection. I don't have to go through life searching for this in place after place. I have this guaranteed, signed, sealed and delivered in Christ. What good news!

Lord, would you help me to live my life inside the limits you've given me. Would your Spirit constantly teach me that I'm limited. I can't do it all. Instead of this leading me to despair may it lead me to You, a God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and who does not grow tired or weary.